Finding The Words

Posted by Courtney Frye on

I've struggled these last few days. Struggled to find the words to say regarding the recent tragedy of a man's life lost at the hands {or knee} of another. 

For days I've sat silent, trying to find my voice and the words to say that mimic my thoughts and feelings. But the truth is, I've struggled with those words because I don't know how I feel and I've realized it is because I am a privileged white woman.

I'm letting that hang out there for a few minutes, even as I, personally, sit and come to terms with admitting it. I don't write that from a place of entitlement but rather a place of remorse.

I've never known the feeling of being judged by the color of my skin. I've never known a life other than the comfortable one I've always had. I went to a women's college where at the time of applying you had to submit a picture of yourself and it was predominately all privileged white women. The church I attend, while we pride ourselves on diversity and have many different ethnicities represented in our partner churches, we worship separately 95% of the time. The pool we attend - also all white. Our neighborhood, white majority. 

These last few days, I've seen your posts and read your words. And yet I've sat silent. In part because I don't know what I can add to the conversation that hasn't already been said. Reposting the words of another just to be part of the conversation seemed empty to me. And a little hypocritical, in my opinion. 

But yesterday I saw a post from a friend and fellow small business owner that really stepped on my toes and stung. The kind of sting that's like the swift kick in the pants we all need sometimes. She shared these words...

dear white business owners: if you're not speaking up right now because you're afraid of ruining your brand + losing your conservative clientele, you're part of the problem. your silence is your privilege and it's willful ignorance + compliance.

I sat with that for a while and came to terms that as a privileged white woman who was sitting silent, I was part of the problem, not the solution. I wasn't standing up for the women of color that are part of my clientele. I wasn't standing up for the women of color that make up my circle of friends. 

I'm still coming to terms with that fact that as a privileged white woman, I have a lot of learning & growing to do in this space. My words this morning aren't profound statements but rather the voice of someone acknowledging the flaws within her and wanting to do better and be better! 

An article I found eye-opening was titled Dear White Women by Rachel Cargle. It's worth the quick read.

Rachel Cargle

And in closing, I'm sharing the words of Jada Edwards, a woman of faith and color that I follow on Instagram. Her prayer is my prayer. 

We are asking God for wisdom and grace for the days ahead. We pray for divine perspective on the many conversations, posts, opinions, facts, positions and emotions that will be shared. We believe that we can be both passionate and principled.We are convinced that our hope is in Christ and that we must bear each other's burdens. We pray the gospel goes forward and does the work only it can do....breathe life into hearts of stone.

Join me in this prayer! Prayer for wisdom and divine perspective. Prayer for healing of hearts and protection during protests. 

Final thought: I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge and ask that we also pray for our law enforcement. The actions of one officer are no doubt weighing heavy on those who treat their civic duty with the upmost respect for their community. My best friend's husband is in law enforcement in the Charlotte area. He, and many other officers, are working tireless hours trying to keep the peace during these days of riots and protests. My heart goes out to them, and their families who wait at home for their safe return between their 12-hour shifts. 

Share this post

← Older Post Newer Post →


  • Thanks for your well written post! It certainly is a difficult time in so many ways and I, too struggle with my comments and how to stand with the persecuted. Sometimes we just need to pray and ask God to show us how HE can use us❤️

    Susan Woodard on
  • Well written, Courtney and that first quote hits it. I keep silent publicly because I don’t want to misstep. I don’t want to say something like “I don’t see color” when the African American community has expressed “we all see color, seeing color isn’t bad it’s that we don’t see individuals and in our deepest being believe we are alike and equal.” I, too want to be better, to do better.

    Beverly Edwards on

Leave a comment

Please note, comments must be approved before they are published.